Summer plans and long days have arrived. 

When it becomes more reasonable to watch the ladybugs meander across the blades of grass than to stay with the previous goals that seemed important during the long winter months. 

It’s as if I can push a button and I enter that mode to get through the day then I find flow.

The goals to achieve something on paper or lists that can be checked instead of watching a cloud go by. 

Or snip at rose bushes as more buds find their full bloom while watching brilliant paprika red pop out along a rock path. 

Then someone asks: So, how’d it go with your professional development goals? And you roll back into a mode of being that must somehow coexist with that outside world of growth. 

Can both be in place together? 

There is a space of work and of being in summer mode while sitting next to a loveliness of ladybugs for me. 

It involves being able to reflect on the moments while I’m in them. 

Letting memories come and sit with me, especially when summer plans are in the mix. 

Good, difficult, grief, joy filled memories. 

Being in the moment, remembering that summer is the time of year that brings me things that go together. 

Those things that go together for me are like a pool and splashing.

Like a horse and one more trail ride.

Like watching the clouds go by high overhead and then going inside to clean with the favorite vacuum.

I anticipate every summer beginning with a splash coming again, but how can it ever be the same.

My grief calendar works backwards as I watch the clouds go by and walk a new trail.

Summer and anticipatory grief.

They walk side by side now with me.

Let’s walk together this summer.

So, how’d it go?

Have you found that being in the moment, reflecting on what summer mode is for you, is a time for you to ask that same question? 

So, how’d it go? 

A question to think about as we are with people and ourselves each day. 

Watching the sun roll across the sky or a clock tick off the hours as another project is completed. 

When a time in our life seems to be never ending or suddenly at the end when we least expect it. 

This is when others may pop up with deep looks and ask more probing questions. A time when we may desire complete stillness or nearness as new mode comes upon us. 

It could also be the time to wait. Wonder and lean in for more while listening to what may be coming. 

This is when I love to pause and wait again. 

There are times when I want to keep talking and give more reasons for the ‘work’ that happens when all that is needed is for me to stay in summer mode.

It’s as easy as pushing the button to enter into the needed mode.

Wait. Listen. Pause. 

Watch the loveliness. 

Each of these times has come to me over many years. 

One time included watching a sunrise as I gathered with one other person as the true love of our life was escorted from our presence for a time. 

The air grew thinner in that moment and all we could do was stand, listen to the morning chirps of beloved birds and wait. 

There was no talk about how still the world was as it had completely changed in such a way, at such a time. 

Anticipatory grief had become complicated grief in a blink of an eye.

And then the question was asked: How’d it go? 

The loveliness that came with a look was astounding. Truly, some questions can come with grace and compassion. 

It was then that reflecting brought it together, again, for me. 

‘Summer will be on its way soon’ I thought at the time.

Splashes of water would somehow return with the summer mode of wonder along with watching clouds go by overhead. 

There would also be other modes to find, create and flow in and out of for the coming years. 

Yes, even modes to complete the goals with professional development when needed.

Summer mode is here now and continues to be one that gives me the pause needed to walk through my calendar of life and grief. 

Joy and loveliness. 

To watch for the pop of color and the blades of grass with more surprises. 

That is what I now know. 

Summer mode and goals as the question is asked: So, how’d it go?

Summer mode and goals can be together as the question is asked: So, how’d it go? 

The time to reflect on what this can be for you is now, or in ten minutes or when you are creating a splash with those you hold near. 

Find what is part of your loveliness today.

The story started out like this. 

I was out in my yard cleaning up after the fall harvest of apricots years ago. 

There were as many of the small orange fruit smooshed onto the grass and the dirt as there were in my bucket. 

What had changed from taking it one day at a time?

How was that possible? This was something that I’d done for years as a child without a thought so what had changed from taking it one day at a time to now? 

There was no more taking it moment by moment or not worrying about the next day.

It felt like I had been out in the morning sun for hours and then I looked up. 

Suddenly, I realized that what had been a seemingly quick job had become a never-ending chore.

Those easy days were gone as I began to think about the change. 

Deep thoughts began to twist as the path before me played out in my mind. 

Perhaps this chore of cleaning up hundreds of smashed pieces of fruit was what small children did to help. 

More twisted tales began to form in my mind. 

‘Is that what I’m now here for, to clean up at the end of a season?’ 

‘If that’s what I’m here for then what else will I only be ok for.’

‘Ok is not ok with me so y’all better get ready for what is coming.’

The beginnings of a spiral instead of taking a breath.

My friends. Do you see the beginnings of a spiral that was taking place instead of taking a breath? 

This is only the beginning of what came to me the day of the fateful encounter with an apricot tree. 

Let’s continue as I reflect on that time. 

The apricots began to smoosh and smash their way into the bag until I found myself tossing them as I remembered things that others had said to me. 

Over the years, people had said some peculiar and some unkind things, so as I tossed, these things were recited from memory. 

First, came the things said about our son. 

You know, he doesn’t belong here. 

Of course, he can’t do that so why do you try? 

Then, came the blatant words said about me in life. 

Do you know you’ll never be a grandma? 

You’ll never know what it’s like. Why are you here? 

How did you survive what happened to you? 

I forgot to take life one day at a time.

With each memory, I forgot how to take life one day at a time. 

Did these people know what they were saying at the time? My heart broke again and again. 

Instead, I began to feel hot tears on my cheeks and blurred my vision. 

As if the salt was cleansing me and giving me something new to pay attention to. It was then that the fruit came back to me. 

Tossing the warm wet fruit became something more as I grew to feel the power in the statements that had been said. 

Had been said, as those words were not said for long in our world. 

They did sting as they hit me the first time, so it was time to let them go. 

I could feel it in the moment. 

So, I let them go with an underhanded pitch into the bag as I stood up. 

To let it out and say to my mind that I was done with those thoughts and memories. 

They were not going to hold onto me for one more day.

They were not going to hold onto me for one more day. 

As I pummeled the side of the bag with a pile of apricots, I began to remember other things. 

Yes, with tears streaming down my face and with more energy being gathered from my toes to my fingertips. 

This time I remembered the boy who became more than we could imagine. 

The boy who stood up every time he wobbled and truly took life one day at a time. 

Until that last day when he decided that he would look up at us, with a big smile, and tell us what he would remember. 

That life was also about including a year of play. 

Joy, love, life. 

Power, being a child, going forward. 

I can now look at what remains of that apricot tree and pause with a smile because of what I do one day at a time. 

Even now, during the time of the harvest. 

There comes a time when the world is worth viewing at 30,000 feet. 

Ridiculous moments in life come barreling

This seems to be the case when ridiculous moments in life come barreling down the trail at high speed. 

When the pace comes faster than light speed and much more than what seems necessary. 

Perhaps there have been times when these times have come to you.

Are you ready to buckle in with me? 

Let’s take on this view from the top view first. 

The ridiculous moments in life felt like the first way

There could be a moment when the ridiculous moments in life felt like the first way to look at it. 

A time when life was comical and made you laugh. Even when being ridiculous was almost joyful. 

That is ridiculous! You could have said when out with friends for dinner when hearing about a fun event that happened. 

The tale that was told could have been about an almost unreal happening to another in your group, yet you were assured that it all was true. 

Think about it with me. 

Here is what it looked like for me years ago. 

After being on a trip to a big city, I found myself going down new streets with a friend. 

Our wool coats were buttoned up over small bags as our eyes wandered up to see everything around us. 

Being followed by many eyes never occurred to us as we stepped over and around people. 

We meandered through shortcuts and back alleys to get to a large park in the center of the city only to find out later that we had come through dangerous areas, yet we were safe. 

That was indeed a ridiculous moment in life when I was young and gallivanting through life! 

I can laugh at it now and see how hilariously ridiculous we were to have tramped and stomped through life. 

Unaware and being young brought on a great adventure. 

Another way to consider this term is to see the view from a little lower point. 

This is where I have been reflecting on life as the light comes toward me. 

Ridiculousness times when the absurdity can almost be heard and felt. 

The unnecessary ridiculous moment in life are laid out like a pattern

When the unnecessary ridiculous moments of life are laid out like a herringbone pattern and it feels like there should be more of a rhythm to life. 

This came into play with two recent holidays that we didn’t feel much like celebrating in our home. 

The pattern of these holidays has been in play in our part of the world for decades so there is a top view for many. 

In the past, these days were a time to not only be grateful to a previous generation for what they have done for us but to also feel that for ourselves. 

We would take flowers, candy, cards, or delicious treats to others. 

Spending time with each person near us was also a way we would choose to create rhythm and patterns over many years. 

Reminiscing and adding to their days became part of our way to say thank you with love. The pattern was there for many of us. 

Now we have an added dimension of grief to these days and a layer of utter ridiculous moments as we grapple with who we are now that our son is not with us. 

What do you do to remember a holiday that is designated to honor and bring gratitude to parents when you are not sure how to feel about that for yourself any longer? 

That is the level of ridiculousness that has lived with me as the 30,000 foot view comes swooping down for a closer look. 

Those unnecessary layers may be necessary, it seems. 

In fact, it has become a time to sit with it like this rabbit to follow the trails that come.

Here is what I now know about ridiculous moments in life.

Here is what I now know about ridiculous moments in life. 

The added dimensions that have come are the trails that I get to follow. 

Even when it comes with grief.

That is what I have learned as there is grief and love.

It doesn’t go away even when it is absurd and can make me want to say that moment is ludicrous. 

What I do next is how we get to move forward with love. Following a rabbit trail to stay curious while being aware of the others around me. 

I learned recently that paying attention to those near me, listening to the tale that is being shared and sometimes saying: That is ridiculous as I laugh with others can be the key as I am aware of all that is welling up in me. 

Come down the trail with me, find you ridiculous moments at all levels in life, my friends. 

I’m here for it all! 

There are days like today when I look outside to see a bright blue sky with fluffy white clouds that make me pause and take me back in time. 

It seems I can be called back to when I was finding a sense of love in every sight and sound as quickly as the breeze flows over me. 

How joyful and mighty it becomes in these moments.

Look into your sky for that one cloud that you can almost touch. Do you see it? What would it feel like if you could paste it on a bright page? 

I wondered about that when I was younger and could lay on the cold grass, looking for animals dancing across the sky. 

Would the clouds be light to the touch or bit more like the wool blanket that was scratchy and warm? 

Perhaps the gray clouds reminded me of that! 

Taking time to let it all soak in before getting wet from the rain that would sometimes come was where I found the learning to be fun. 

I remember the smells that came with the sights around me when I got a little bit older. 

In the mountains, there was a distinct smell of the river or lake with trees and then of rain right before those scratchy clouds opened up. 

Aaahhh. I can see, smell and hear it all now. 

Finding a sense of love in this part of my world.

Finding a sense of love in this part of my world came with experiencing it with others around me. 

Pausing and remembering it even now brings other parts of my life to the front of my mind. 

Gaining other senses through life is where my learning continued. 

Coming off a mountain and into our home brought this into a true sense of powerful awareness. 

Have you had other senses come to your mind as this rolled along? 

Yes, there are others. 

Taste is a favorite for many of us, me included. 

Delicious foods are often what my thoughts go to at the end of the day.

What’s for dinner and is there a tasty treat, too? 

Some folks go for the sweets and others like the salty foods. 

I tend to go for the savory and will be looking for a bit of the tart treats. 

Go into touch to find a sense of love.

We can then go into touch to find a sense of love. 

This is the best! 

Did you know there is a part of your brain that processes touch, pressure and pain? 

What a powerful understanding I came to with this piece! 

If there is something to learn about then I’m all for going into the next step. 

That’s what I did and why I was called back today. 

Here are two more things I learned about. 

Additional ways to find a sense of love.

There are additional ways to find a sense of love in how our systems work. 

They were new to me many years ago and yet I see them all around now. 

When our son survived his illness, he lost all of his sensory systems. 

Each way of interacting with the world around him was changed. 

That included all the ways I talked about above.

Now, the new senses introduced to me then were about how we have a sense of where we are in space, called vestibular sense, and the sensation from your muscles and joints called proprioceptive sense. 

Okay, those are big. 

Picture working to get a grasp of those senses alongside trying to glue a cloud to a piece of paper. 

Which one is going to be more easily done? 

The truth is that for me it was not about being easy, it was about getting to it and starting. 

Each sense that our son gained back was celebrated with grins that caused more wrinkles to appear. 

Joy, grit and determination from everyone is how we did this. 

One day would be a step forward and then the next would-be two-step to maintain. 

Here is what else I learned about finding a sense of love.

Here is what else I learned about finding a sense of love in all the learning. 

It may have felt like the new parts were left of center and yet I did know how to dance. 

Can you guess what I did with others in our house? 

I danced, ate the best savory food, listened to the storms roll off the mountain and loved the people in my realm with a joy that I hope you can touch. 

Now when the dance has changed, I find new foods, keep my feet centered and stay here with you. 

May we continue finding a sense of love in our places and spaces.