The layers of my grief look like a couple of things I’ve come across in life.

Over the years I’ve attempted to make a few things that seem to make me shake my head and stand back. 

Recently, I made a pie and that’s where the similarity stood out. 

Grief is like layers of a pie.

Grief is like layers of a pie. The bottom or beginning of grief is new and it seems ok.  

Then there is the middle with all the emotions that can pile up like ingredients. This is where it can feel mixed up, as if life will never be the same again. 

Finally, there is the top which can be disguised with a light crunch or sugar topping and then it is finally discovered that grief here is bumpy and ever changing!

As I watched the pie being made I found that while I thought I knew what I was doing it was surprising to find that a little adjustment was needed throughout the process. 

This pie is in the middle with the ingredients piled high. 

There are dots of butter to add more flavor, and that edge of the first layer can still be seen. 

Seems to be okay from this view, doesn’t it? 

This is where we can stand back and start to see more, my friends. 

The grief that comes in layers made me pause.

The grief that comes in layers made me pause as I made this pie. 

What if the ingredients inside were to change as another person wanted smooth chocolate filling instead of apples? 

How would those changes be seen by others in grief? Could they be adapted to be like a chameleon? 

Or is there only one way to make a pie and to grieve? 

Here is what I explored the day I rolled out the bottom layer that looks like it fits in the pie plate. 

I thought about how I didn’t know what I was doing at all in the first years after our son died, when I showed up for work and hoped to remember my password or where a file was on my computer. 

What I also hoped for was that others around me were kind and would help me seem ok. 

That world of seeming ok with all of it rolling forward did happen for me.

I sat with the messy middle of grief.

So, I sat with that for a time and then went into the messy middle of grief. 

Have you felt the messy middle while others were with you? 

The pile up of emotions ranged from chunks of disbelief that Dallin, our son, was no longer in our home, to gratitude for a life with our son. 

Then to sudden memories of who we were with him slipping down my cheeks as the tears would jump forward. 

Mounds of emotions needed to be felt and seen even when it seemed like life would never be the same again.

Truth came with this, as life never was the same again as part of the messy part, the piles of feeling continued and I felt them all. 

I began to be interested in this part of grief that I didn’t need to understand it all. I only experienced life and grief and wonder here and now.  

For me, there are many ways to make a pie and to experience grief. Being present with it was part of feeling and being then. 

The top is where I am now at times. 

I sit with the thought of ever being complete with grief, as I have found that it is truly ever changing.

For me, grief means I have loved and I will love our son forever. 

So, I will grieve and remember forever.

Loving and living with a bumpy ever-changing life is how to roll out the top of the pie.

Loving and living with a bumpy ever-changing life is how to roll out the top of a pie. 

Will it sometimes cover a delicious layer of ingredients piled high and dotted with more flavor? 

Yes, most likely. 

I will also most likely continue to have a pile of emotions with the grief that comes in layers. 

For me that means that joy, resilience, confusion, wonder, and sadness all create this life that can bring experience. 

Some days are smooth like that bottom layer or like different filling. 

Other days are bumpy like a top layer of pie that is part of grief and love, life and sorrow. 

What are your layers of grief bringing you? 

Let’s discover them here together.

Another month with more time to create moments of mindfulness. 

Sure, that’s what I tell myself as the month of love begins, again. 

The true questions come as I wonder and wander through more of my time with my mind full of other things. 

What if the point of being right here, right now? Is it to hang in there? 

That could be part of why I take every February to work more persistently to be mindful. 

Yes, even when I see what was before me as I walked along. 

Hang in there, it gets worse.

It was a shirt that said hang in there, it gets worse. 

Well, even though it wasn’t what I was expecting, the phrase seemed to make me grin as my life flowed across my memories. 

How is that possible? To hang in there means that even though I didn’t know what was happening right now, it would be okay soon. 

Sure, I’d heard that before. Life happens, be patient, it’ll be different before you know it.

Here is what also came to me in the exact second. 

Life had gotten worse in a sense a few times in life, when things hadn’t been okay soon. 

What are you supposed to do then? That’s what made me smile because I knew that answer, as well.

It had to do with my heart and feelings that came over time.

My heart felt like it had more empty spaces in it and could have looked like what I found here. 

Pink, full of love yet fragile if it was being viewed from another person. 

My heart also learned to hang in there.

Let me tell you more as my heart has also learned to hang in there. 

When I was a young mom, perhaps in my early 20s, with holes worn out in the knees from playing rumble tumble games with our son as we chased through our small apartment. 

Days were not long enough for the slides at the park or a merry-go-round ride with an uncle for that son. 

There were bonus moments of crackers eaten with aunts and dances with dad to round off grand adventures each week with our son who became more than we could imagine. 

My heart was full during this act and stage of life. 

This is where I learned that sudden changes could create a hole in my heart as surely as any medical event. 

In fact, it was through a sudden medical event that caused more changes and holes in my heart to come. 

Little did I know that grief could mean living alongside surviving and also creating new joy. 

This is what I learned to create and, dare I say, want again. Always with a granny hanky nearby for my leaky eyes and broken heart.

Life became more than one moment of hanging in there.

It is what I began to know and yearn for and love as life became more than one moment of hanging in there. 

Here is where I’m going to say some things that you may also be thinking yet have not said to anyone, yet. 

Being mindful can become knowing that things can get worse. 

My world did get worse as I changed from being a young mom with holes in my jeans as I played with our son to one who learned to lean into things that I never knew were going to be expected of me. 

Life getting worse in one way brought out another side, another way of viewing the world that I now know was what I needed to experience. 

Wait. Let’s go into that. 

For me, something worse happened when a medical event changed our son’s life in a moment the first time and then a second time. And, then for ongoing moments.

It also meant that I was changed, pulled out of ‘just’ being a mom to being Dallin’s mom. 

Who was going to hang in there and do what was needed for his lifetime of love, advocacy, stepping forward to help him learn to communicate about his own needs and live with pure essence? 

What a joy to create resilience with him.

Me. What a joy to create resilience with him.

I needed to let go of who I was before any other time and be as brave as he was every time an illness came to pull into a reserve of resilience. 

Dallin did. I could do it with him. Now I do it without him. 

Doing this every time with him was amazing and powerful. 

When I saw the phrase hang in there, the holes in my heart were wide open and patched together. 

Somehow, I am still hanging in here with all that heartache that comes each time my heart drops, broken with yearning for who I was before.

While truly knowing even if it gets worse my heart will hang in there. 

Would you like to come with me? Let’s do this together. 

The story started out like this. 

It was all about a bowl, delicious ingredients and beaters like these. 

When I was growing up, we would watch the electric beaters combine ingredients in a large bowl. 

Sometimes there would be exact measurements of flour, eggs, milk and spices to take a beating as they were combined.  

Other times there would be cream, sugar and vanilla pulled together to create something sweet.

It would take a beating to make the single ingredients become more.

Each time, it would take a beating to make the single ingredients become more than what was seen at first. 

I would watch closely for times when the cream would double in size to be ready for the next question that might come. 

‘Do you want a beater?’ is what those of us waiting wanted to hear. 

It meant that the cream was fluffy, ready to top a dessert of the day and any creamy leftovers were up for a quick taste. 

Imagine the lip-smacking goodness that time brought in those two minutes!

Every drop of the tasty concoction would then disappear. Amazingly, smiles would appear every time. 

Can you see it alongside your memory of a treat that may have come together for you? 

Good memories are alive and well, even today, about that time. 

There were other stories that came as life showed that taking a beating means the ingredients can come bits at a time. 

Then they were mixed together to create something more.

They may even have come as experiences in life and not as things that could be placed neatly in a bowl. 

One time it looked like a series of events when it was as if the moment in front of me was not going well. 

I was taking a beating during a race.

The first time was when it felt like I was taking a beating during a race. 

One uphill was in an unexpected place and longer than what I had planned for before the start.

As I came to the top of the incline, my legs found sudden new energy. 

The determination to follow through had come to me after the tough run. 

Seeing the end of that race brought relief. 

Knowing I had run the race set before me had set me on a course for resilience and joy.

What a combination I had been introduced to as more was coming 

Taking a beating can also lead to creating something more.

I mixed up this experience with another one to show me that taking a beating can also lead to creating something more. 

If I can only wait for it. 

Here’s what it looked like next. 

Why is it that the times when I didn’t know what was coming is also when I found what I was looking for? 

It seemed to be the way it went when the story continued for me. 

There was no way to know that some races can come during life with running shoes on, like the one that was tough. 

Then others come that look like a mix of times that built strength in other ways. 

I was going into a time where doctors were being introduced to me regularly. 

It was a new realm that I found to be like going up the hills with a new stride, yet also like adding something that didn’t fit neatly to what I knew before. 

This went on for me as life created something more than sweet. 

Life was grand, wonderful and worth taking the beating.

Life was grand, wonderful and worth taking the beating as the next powerful moments have come. 

These moments came through my heart, soul and mind as the realm I loved changed with the seasons of life. 

Grief was a part of this piece.

Taking a beating took on new meaning as life became tougher than any race I had run. 

More intense than the stride I had known before, yet I still longed to hear certain words, or the name I love to hear. 

Here’s what I now know. 

While I was building strength to come through the intense climb of a physical hill, I was also building resilience to do other things. 

The beating my heart continues to take is now going in stride with the name I still love to hear. 

Even when I need to wait for it with the story that will go on with grief, resilience and joy.

Another space is here for me. 

It seems that it comes even when I love where I am. 

Even when I have become quite comfy with the steps that have become known to me. 

The sun is showing me the way again this time so I will go with it as it is also going up to a higher ground. 

Being at the end of this space is also being near the beginning of a new one so I will go forward with that in my rhythm. 

This time, what the sun showed me came as the peak of summer rolled into view and I sat with the one who is my compass star. 

We were sitting in our comfy places and asking what we could do next. 

Comfort is the thing we had created in our spaces to be able to bring a pause. 

The sun had been shining high above just moments before and now it was time to talk.

This came as we developed a deeper way to take our discussion up a notch. 

Love can do that, and it did for us. 

Do you believe in love that can last for a lifetime? 

I do. In fact, what you may also see here is a twinkle of what can last even longer than that. 

The light is catching our eyes, and we are in the middle of life. 

Not too sparkly, not too pristine. Life was moving fast this day, so a picture was taken quickly before the moment was gone. 

This was something I learned to do decades ago so it continues now. 

Capture the light and shine and keep going. 

I go with the flow and rhythm of going up to a higher ground.

There is a song that comes to me often when I go with the flow and rhythm of going up to a higher ground. 

You Take Me Up by the Thompson Twins starts with a toe tapping beat and quickly adds in more as the lyrics bring in a story. 

It is one that weaves through hard work, friends and love.  

There is a part of this song that brings both a solo then the harmony of a group together. 

Let’s think about that for a moment. 

Can life be like that? 

Being on your own in hard work can make some people go around and around. 

Planning, scheduling, being in all the places on your own. 

It is also where a person is able to know what to do next, how to get things completed and the joy of finding their resilience. 

Is this when higher ground is found?

Is this when higher ground is found? 

Looking for someone to join you on the daily grind of life can be another piece to think about going solo. 

Or to join someone for an adventure once in a while.

When is there a time to bring in others to help go up to higher ground? 

For me, deciding when to plan on my own and when to bring on someone is part of what this song brings to me each time I turn up the volume and dance. 

Hard work is what I have relied on for another lifetime and what I have been able to count on. 

It’s up to me and the hours I put in.

Yet this doesn’t really create harmony when seeking a way to take others up to a higher ground. 

Oh yeah. 

That’s what this can also be all about. Not only putting myself in or taking myself out. 

There was a childhood song before and now it is time to go into this next version of the space. 

My heart is no longer at odds with hard work as the rhythm of life as it is also about friends. 

In fact, the glimmer of life is all about this best friend as we go about life with love.

I will go back to this again and again.

Having friends who will have your back, side and all your pieces. 

That is the work of this realm. 

Coming up to higher ground where the two steps of this dance feel joyful, with next answers and alongside all who want to be here.

Let the sun show you what is possible as you go to your higher ground.

Our grass looks good when I sit near it in a lawn chair. Being able to feel it with my toes makes it even better.

It’s as if the summer of heat along with the right amount of water has helped it to grow and green up well this year. 

You may be able to see it here as I’ve given you the long view from one side of the yard.

There are even a few signs that there may be more over there with a low brick wall and few bushes almost in view. 

Wouldn’t it be good if I had shown you a few more things? 

The wonderful thing with grass is that it is resilient and can bounce back from almost any condition. 

If it’s too hot for a bit, the grass will wait until cooler weather comes again. 

Then the grass pops up with new blades to continue growing. 

Wouldn’t it be good to be like grass?

Wouldn’t it be good to be like grass sometimes? 

Here’s what I found out recently. 

There are many ways that people can look at grass as they are out in different neighborhoods and think that type of turf is better from their view. 

It may be like the song by Nik Kershaw. 

We may start with a good intro of strumming the base of the melody, begin with a great rhythm and then the words start. 

This song is one that I have known for many years. The full orchestra in this version pulls me into a two-step and slows my feet.

Here is part of what I know now. 

Others have thought it would be good to be me.

There have been times when others have looked at my life and thought it would be good to be me. 

Perhaps it was because we had one son. 

An only child who looked like his disability was not affecting him much. 

The words in this song talk about comparing situations like when people go into other places and look at how great the grass is growing. 

When someone, even now, says that it must have been good to have such an easy life, I wonder if they know what words are being said. 

Do they hear and understand that words matter? 

Life has taught me that being in a space of resilience and joy now has come because of what our son brought to us. 

He did have a list of disabilities that did not belong with anything else that had been seen and yet he still drummed and lived well for decades.

Wouldn’t it be good if that were known?

Wouldn’t it be good if that were known? Yes, his experiences are known in many ways. 

Or does the rhythm of life tell us to look beyond what could be seen and look for the grand, golden moments? 

Today it can be both. 

Perhaps some have looked at one segment of life, like the grass seen here, and decided what those bushes are without more information. 

Others may imagine what is across the wall.

I have learned that imagining is great for creating a story and asking questions is lovely for finding an answer. 

When I begin to get into the comparing grass I then look at where I sit.

It is when I look into another’s experience that I need to wait to learn more. 

Thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else may not be the case.

When I hear that others are looking at another’s situation, their life experience and thinking about life sure looks better over there I begin to pause. 

This is when we can get into our own rhythm, listen to the melody of life for ourselves and remember two things. 

Even if it looks good as we drive next to them, we do not know what their life is like. 

Could it be like when others look at this and that in a room then they create meaning for them? 

The accuracy may not be accurate at all, my friends. 

Wouldn’t it be great if we did not compare?

Wouldn’t it be great if we did not compare. 

Life is not like pie. 

There is enough room for all of our experience, stories, truth to be told and dances to be strummed. 

I remember that I am the one who pulled up the chair to look at my own yard, to begin to know what I feel and be like the grass under my own feet.

I am here to create resilient joy alongside it all. 

Wouldn’t that be good and great!

Let’s start this with a little look back in time. 

Yes, I know it’s been the way I’ve been doing things recently. 

Perhaps there’s a new rhythm in this. 

It is a way for me to be mindful of where others have come so I know that I can come along, as well. 

If I remember to take things a step at a time, then the progression of things seems doable. 

Here a little and there a little. 

This came into play for me in a few easy ways. 

Easy, you ask? 

Okay, let’s start with one easy way. 

There is a tree in the south part of our yard that has needed a bit more support than the others next to it. 

It split down the middle after a thunderstorm a while back. 

I found it almost toppled over in the morning and thought it was going to need to be removed. 

Then I lifted the split half up and wondered if one more thing could be done. 

Would the tree live if we reattached it a step at a time?

Would the tree live if we reattached it to the main trunk a step at a time?

Brandon was game so we began. 

We learned what needed to happen, gathered the tools and started. 

First, we watched videos from others who had gone before us, those who knew what to do. 

Then we added screws to pull the tree parts together. 

Finally, we hoped that the tree would recover from the sudden jolt to continue growing. 

It is now about five years after that storm and the tree has grown around the long metal pieces that were added for strength. 

The large branches are reaching out even longer than before.

Bark is almost covering all of the evidence that shows we needed to be a part of its growth.

This tree has a resilience that astounds me.

It did indeed grow one step at a time. 

I can hear your question about it being easy as you’ve come along this first part with me.

Was it easy for the tree to come along this way? 

That is a great thought to sit with, my friends.  

Let’s go into another space where a progression was taken to see what happened there. 

You will see that there are three models of planes in a picture here. 

Each one changes in small ways to increase how an actual plane could fly one day. 

One step at a time to increase the likelihood that future success could happen.

The designers took it one step at a time to increase the likelihood that a future success could happen. 

I think about each one of those steps at times when I think my step in front of me is not going to make a difference in the big scheme of things. 

Did the plane designers have doubts along the way? 

Was there a goal deeply embedded in their soul that they knew the trajectory was going to create success? 

What I have come to know now is that each moment may seem small and yet it is moving forward. 

Creating long roots from any age may be the way to keep each step going along the way. 

These planes now show me how a progression is what can come for me. 

The first one is a glider from 1900. 

Then came the second in 1902 with more changes after that with the third plane. 

Did more changes come? 

I also consider that these are not the gliders that can be made from a few items you can find in your house. 

These were meant to hold a person. 

Yes, it seems that more changes were indeed made as I fly with many others high into the sky. 

Can you see that each step in time brought strength?

Can you see that each step at a time brought strength and ideas from where they started? 

It has also brought me this thought. 

The progression of life goes the way it goes. 

Trees grow the way they do, even after being torn in half. 

One idea for a glider became how I soar into seeing clouds and next destinations. 

Taking what comes next a step at a time is what I can sit with for now. 

Letting this space be where I become mindful of what is here keeps me aware of what I am going to do next. 

Think about one step in your realm. 

Perhaps it will become a dance we can share together.

There are trees popping with color on the branches in my part of the world these days. 

Some of the colors are white and gently flow in the winds. 

Other colors appear to be purple and pink and have come alongside thorns and prickly branches. 

I recently came back from a trip where there are rows of beloved pink blossoms that line the waterways. Pink blossoms that represent friendship and reminders to stand in place next to others.

Then there is the song from my early years that helps me pause. 

It talks about popcorn popping on a fruit tree and always has me hopping along in my head if not in my steps. 

Perhaps you know this children’s song and have started to sing it with me. 

Sing a song every chance you get. They can also bring colors and bright moments back in the blink of an eye.

The scents from these three things also bring me pause. 

This can also help me think about the many ways that colors and scents pull me back in time. 

Helping me reflect for this minute about moments that have become important. 

Did I know they were going to become that way as I lived them? 

Perhaps not so I am going to sit with them now. 

There are two places that I love to be in the city I live. Going down long roads that feel like a long slide.

Can you picture a slide you’ve gone down? 

It could be that hot metal one you had to build up courage to fly down when you were a kid.

Or the water slide as a teenager that propelled you forward like a rocket. How did you stay on that one with a jet stream pushing you forward? 

The white water was like popcorn popping.

The white water was like popcorn popping from every angle. 

Are you amazed at the slides that may have come into your spaces? What fun it is to let the good times come back.  

The roads that feel like slides to me are ones that I took with our son as we floated down the hills from the children’s hospital.

We found a steep hill on our way down one time. 

We looked at each other and grinned. 

Let’s go!

We were off with a slight pop of speed. 

Whooooaaaaa he said as we rolled and bumped our way through each block. 

Reaching the end of the hill brought more side-splitting laughs and a sign to do that again after the next appointment. 

We began to venture down other paths as I realized there may be more ways to get home from that hospital. 

That is when we found the freeway entrance that also felt like a take-off ramp into space. 

We were ready to hold on tight and have fun. 

Speed always came into action with the everyday adventures, so this entrance was well played if the traffic was light. 

We were able to build up to full throttle around the last bend and feel lighter than air as the merge came into view. 

Another set of giggles and the day was complete with a pop of thrills. 

How was it possible to find joy after these moments? 

It seemed to be as easy as watching popcorn popping.

It seemed to be as easy as watching the blossoms bloom and the popcorn popping. 

I love to watch it happen in real time now. 

There is popcorn popping into bowls like this. It comes fresh and sometimes surprises us with a last-minute kernel that is always the one that made us say whoa! 

It’s how it has happened in our home for decades. 

Making good things to eat with one I hold dear. 

Holding the colors and scents in the corners of my mind. 

Watching for things that I may want to be predictable and yet I also love when that unexpected moment brings joy. 

It is later that I can sit with it, look for how the thrills also taught me to become resilient.

That may be when I am able to sit with how the one I came down the hills and took off into space shared his essence with me. 

Resilience became a part of us both. 

Do you have good memories of things that can pop open?

Do you have good memories of things that can pop open in front of you like these simple yet complex ones? 

Here is what I have come to know. 

Any time I come along these streets now, I look over with a grin for a tall boy who had favorite books that come in the car with us. 

I still hold on tight and say whoa as the curve comes in front of me. 

The grin is welcome every time, my friends.

Here we go! It’s time to find a light jacket and get ourselves in the park. 

There are memories here that I will share with you as you open your closet and choose which one is right for you today. 

Do you have the one you want? 

Let’s go together. 

Gather the picture of the park in your mind. 

Here are three from the far reaches of mine. 

The first is like this one you see here. 

Tall trees surrounding a child size playground with climbing equipment and a slide. 

Bright colors and a soft-landing zone. 

Have you been in a place like this in the park?

Have you been in a place like this in the park? 

I have many times with our son when he was young and learning to walk, climb, then go up and over the fun things in life again. 

We could plan a morning appointment with doctors then get to the fun of running around before it was time for lunch. 

Snacks could also come in the park if we were with an aunt or uncle or cousins. 

Part of the time would be spent watching other kids play and then learning how to do things just like them. 

How many hours were spent in a park like this one? 

Perhaps more than could be counted and yet I have tried to over the years.

It may be partly because there is another reason why I knew where the parks were around us those years ago. 

Our son needed help going up the stairs and down the slide. Walking on the grass or playing in the soft landing. 

Saying hi to a new child or others who were around.  

There were times in the park that his medical world would need attention.

Then there were times in the park that his medical world would need attention as a seizure would begin and we suddenly found ourselves looking for the soft green grass. 

Others were holding hands and leading their children away. 

The joy of the day was gone, and we would go home. 

Would the park wait for another day? Yes.

Those the bright colors always called us back and we found that learning to go up and down and on the soft grass was there again. 

Other times in the park came later for the two of us. 

There were parks full of flowers, benches and paths. 

Walking along to see, hear and feel all the many things to see in the park. 

Did you know that a flower can be touched and looked at closely. 

Try it and the next time you will see that one yellow flower has a bright white center. 

Another one may have hundreds of black seeds that are eaten by birds at the end of the season. 

This is what we found after sitting on benches in the park. 

Listening to the bugs, bees and swirling birds came as a bonus to our days. 

The joy of the day could be found in the park.

The joy of the day and looking at every blooming thing could be found in the park. 

Then came the next level of meaning as I started going to parks without our son. 

It came as quite a surprise. 

I loved parks, being in them and with the person who I learned so much from. 

It was at a conference that I heard this perspective about parks and, if you stick with me, bears. 

Bears do not usually belong in the park.

Now, I know that bears do not usually belong in the park and yet that is where I found my new perceptions coming. 

After my past experiences with joy, fun and even hard moments I was eventually able to hear this from a friend. 

Parks can hold things that make us pause. It did that to me when I learned more. 

Bears can mean what we have been through, past stuff that might feel like fluff or storms.

My friend taught me, through an article from Leigh Merryday that states, “So we rarely leave that park. And we stand—fight or flight response at the ready—clutching the hands of our children all the time. While trying to live our lives in all the necessary ways.”

I started thinking then writing more for a national organization in April 2019.

‘The bears with Dallin were many. Seizures, fall risk, dementia, muscle wasting, doctor appointments that gave us no new information. 

The idea that it’s not that our loads are heavy, it’s that we need to lift more weights to learn to tolerate it. 

I am still not sure what I think about that concept and yet …. I am beginning to understand that it may be that it is through continually gaining additional skills that I will get stronger.’

Let’s continue to sit with the bears in the park. 

Resilience has come along with being in the park.

Knowing that resilience has come along with being in the park is what I now know will serve me well. 

What else do I know? 

This park with the climbing equipment and slides brings a smile and grand memories of a small one learning to walk and communicate with others again. 

Every time, my friends, 

Finding joy and doing it all with others around is now the game of the day. 

I learned that there were bears coming and yet, I am a mama bear. 

The park will continue to bring me joy and time to stay with what I’ve learned from my own grand one. 

Find your resilience and your joy. I’m here with you. 

Do you feel the empty spaces? 

This is the time to hold onto that space to see what comes in between. 

The in between is where I have been able to find bliss. 

Can you see this today as I have given space between writing and reading this time around? 

Let’s go forward now like the empty spaces between the leaves on this favorite plant. 

This green is also one of the colors that bring clarity and joy.

As we go into the quest to find bliss, consider what it can bring to you. 

I have heard that it is a phrase that can mean supreme happiness or utter joy. 

Listening to your heart is another way that bliss has been described. 

The heart is the key for me as I sit in this space. 

It has led me to the center of myself before so I will trust it this time, as well. 

Sitting in this empty space is like being among the leaves of this plant. 

Do you see how they go up with bits of space even here? 

The deepest colors are in the middle where the best support is and then the leaves support the one next to it as growth continues. 

Search for a way to find bliss.

Perhaps as I search for a way to find bliss, I get to look at my center and find another way to grow. 

Could it be not only to look for the moments that are exciting but also to find ways to get to deep happiness. 

For me it is about three things. 

I love that! 

Being outside on a mountain, with a friend and creating. 

The many ways this can actually look in my every day is what brings joy to my life. 

It comes back to the color of the plant and one I will see in my first of these three things. 

Green is the color where I find bliss. 

This deep base that you see popping above the rim of the pot. 

It is also in the trees on the top of my favorite mountain with the tallest trees. 

Planting my feet next to pine needles and a bed of leaves before skipping rocks across a small lake is where my breath comes back. 

Green is in all shades that surrounds me in a room in our home, popping up in ribbons this spring and that one sweater that pulls me near with a grand smile. 

My friend that reminds me to look up is the next step for me. 

Wait! I have many of these and one that certainly brings on the belly laugh with deep conversation. 

Friends can bring the search and ability to stretch, like the lovely leaves I love here, to look beyond what I can see. 

Think about that friend that can do that for you. 

Did you smile when they came to your mind? 

I love that there may also be other thoughts flowing through you as friends come to your mind. 

Here is what I find myself doing when that happens to me. 

Do that for someone else. 

Say hello. 

Send a text. 

Remember that day. 

Take over flowers of bright yellow and green. 

Bring it all together. 

I know! Can you imagine if we all took what our friends bring to us and then shared it with one more person? 

Sharing then finding bliss.

That could be sharing then finding bliss for even more around us. 

What a powerful thought!

Now, this is the last piece that I realize is not final. 

Creating has been a part of me that has been mysterious for years.

I go to craft fairs to buy what is created and displayed on pegboards and under beautiful lights. 

Traveling over the mountains I love to look at every item is what I have done for decades. 

Then I found that creating is also about what we make around us. 

That space that may feel empty to some is what I can fill with energy and words sometimes. 

I found that when I walk into a space that may need something, I can ask a few questions and help people. 

That is creating, as well. 

Do you know you can find your bliss by asking the questions on your own?  

Here is what I’ve found.

It is when I do all of these things that I begin to find bliss. 

Moments of my true joy have come from going through growth above the line that was more than I thought possible. 

Doing it to create joy and resilience is part of true bliss for me.

Have you started a night with great expectations of sleeping for at least 6 hours and then the darkness brings you something different? 

Perhaps it’s not something startling and yet it wakes you up within an hour or two of pulling that blanket up over the shoulder. 

I’ve had that experience a time or two in the past and I now pause to trust the dreams that come with the sudden awakening. 

Let me tell you about what this felt like. 

But first.

What are your thoughts on getting 6 hours of sleep? 

I can snuggle into my pillow; breathe deeply three times and I am out for over that amount of time almost every night. 

Learning how to trust this process years ago has brought me to the point that I know it will work almost every night.

How I know to trust the dreams that come to me.

That is my baseline and how I know to trust the dreams that come to me. 

When I am suddenly popping up after a few hours with it feeling different, I know I need to roll over and wonder about that dream. 

It’s time to think more about why I am awake. 

The change in my sleep pattern may be telling me to pay attention. 

Dreams have done that for many years in my life. 

It may be like ice sliding over the window and the sun trying to come through. 

I need to trust that the ice will still allow the light to work its magic. 

Popping through and starting to melt the edges. 

Beginning to trust the dream is how possibilities can appear.

Beginning to trust the dreams is how possibilities can appear when times feel fuzzy. 

There is more to this line from the poet Kahlil Gibran that says:  

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. 

Now that is how I know to trust in why I wake up and need to pay attention. There are many words being said here that we can go through together. 

Finding a hidden gate to eternity sounds fantastic. Forever and eternity is how to bring calm to my soul. 

If I can do it through my dreams, then all the better. 

Do you feel the calm that can come with this sense of wellness in a dream? 

It’s as if the ice has melted away from the window and the sun is shining brightly.

Directly shining to bring comfort and warmth.

My breath is even, and a smile is on my face.

Here’s the other thing that this quote brings to my mind as I wake up after only a few hours. 

There are times when it does not come with a nice stretch and solace. 

Times when my wondering comes with startle and being perplexed. I don’t know why this happens and yet I continue.

Trusting the dreams that have brought my eyes wide awake so that I am seeking clarity, and I can feel alert instead of calm. 

Is that even possible? Can I search for the hidden gate while I grasp for the sun, break through the ice and seek for the calm again? 

That is my question to you today. 

When I seek to trust the dreams.

What is the way through when I seek to trust the dreams during the moments of eyes wide open after being bolted awake. 

Can trust return after my breath has been whisked away by a dream that pulls me out of my warm blankets? 

That ice covered window can feel like it is the blanket instead of my comfy pile at times. 

Is there a path through at that instance? 

Here is what I found for myself over many years. 

I must allow for the rustle and bustle of the dream to come with clarity. 

Remember what happened and then feel everything. 

If I try to muffle the intensity of the powerful dreams, either good or otherwise, then I miss what is to come next. 

Dreams have taught me to be right here, right now with the people next to me. 

To also learn from the ones who were here.

Who is on your list? My list is long and includes you. 

Being able to trust the dreams that I still have is where the joy and resilience can come next. 

Can you feel the audacity of that, my friends? 

May your soul be with me on this one. Let’s trust it a bit together.