There are songs that drum and strum through my head.  

They give me a sway to my day and pop to my step. 

 

Sometimes the music goes with the feelings of my heart and my soul. 

That is certainly true today. 

 

I first started to feel this rhythm months ago as I could feel the days and weeks float towards me. Listening as the seasons changed and the words found their way into my feet. 

Disappear

The song Disappear is from INXS.  It has become a mantra since, and I find myself using a pencil, pen or my hand to bounce the rhythm on any surface as it flies into my system.

 

Do do, do bop bop ppop, do-do-do  doooo doo.  Disappear.

 

Okay. You all know I am not in the singing biz and yet. My head and shoulders are doing the sit dancing gig as I write. 

 

At times this song has radiated from me and when goodness takes hold, I play it from every speaker at my disposal.

 

No, it doesn’t matter who sees me singing into a spoon turned into a microphone. 

 

Try it with a song you feel vibrating in your bones. 

 

M’hm m’hm 

 

Alright now, are you asking, what is going on with this song right now? 

I do wish I could disappear with Brandon at times. 

Skip on out of here for at least one month.

 

And then, I heard an interview say something about this.

To Not Withdraw

“Determination means to use every challenge you meet as an opportunity to open your heart and soften, determined to not withdraw.” ~ (Pema Chödrön). 

 

Pema Chödrön is a Buddhist nun who has written much, shared openly and given insights about many of her thoughts.  

 

I read her words and listen to her to practice mindfulness and meditation, with other things at the start of my day.

 

The time I heard her talking about wanting to withdraw is when I homed in on her.  She is someone who has done this.  Has lived in isolation and meditated. 

 

I could do that! 

 

Well, I have wanted to withdraw and take off to be one who lives on a mountain these past months.  

 

Aaaahhhh. Peace.  Quiet.  Space.  

Want to come?  Brandon and I get to a mountain and find space when we can.  There is quiet and time to become in the beauty of a sunrise.

Engage

And then these words were also said by Pema.  

When you want to withdraw, that is when you need to engage. 

 

Oh, no!  That is not what is supposed to be said next.  It was all about the withdrawal.

 

What is this about engaging? Seriously. 

And then I stopped, paused.  

 

Listened. 

 

Bugger. 

That is what this it’s about. 

Engage. 

 

Again. 

 

It took time for me to figure out how to do this, mere moments in the scheme of things actually, and yet looking at how to engage became the play of the day. 

 

I looked around at those near me and began. 

 

Over the next few months, I remembered that this is who I am, who we are. 

 

What else? 

I have learned that this is who I am with the one who is here by my side.  

Do One Thing

With Brandon, we learn who we can do one thing for this day and possibly the next.  That may be something big or small, perhaps in the moment or planned for weeks in advance. 

 

Say hello, stop by with a reverse birthday surprise, help with a car, look at pictures, laugh, smile, ask about their day.  

 

Again, what else did I learn after I heard that statement?

Staying with these moments of withdrawal is not helpful for me.  

 

Oh, I did want it to be the life for me.  Living in solitude on a mountain.

And yet. 

I am not meant to be alone, and I know this.

 

My feet sometimes need to lead and so does the rhythm of my soul.

 

I do have another question that pops up with the great desire to disappear, every now and again. 

 

Can we?  Pull back and become invisible if only for a moment? 

Not disappear entirely but for a moment. Perhaps three?

 

If only to find new energy when a month of complex feelings arise. 

 

I believe that answer is yes. 

That is when I rejuvenate and create energy. 

 

How does that happen?  

One possible way is by looking at things from another point of view. 

 

When I need to find answers, I also like to go to where I can see things clearly from many angles at the start of the day.

 

This happens for us when we go to the top of a mountain at sunrise.  

 

There is much to be said about getting up before most others are awake and chasing the moon away to find the quiet. 

Blink of Time

Looking at the grandness of a mountain from this angle does make things disappear, if only for this blink of time.  

 

Calm.  Quiet.  Peace. 

 

And then the scurry of small animals began to be heard with the chirp of a few birds and a distant clash of rocks falling far below. 

 

A few minutes then stretched into many more, as we listened and became a part of the scene. 

Standing in the sunrise with no other cars or people anywhere nearby.

 

It is glorious. Light drifted and bounced like it was doing its own dance. 

 

It was as if we had disappeared for this brief bit of time. 

 

Breath came to us, and we waited for the next moment to be shown. 

 

It is time to engage.  

 

Look, there is that bird we could hear.  Ahhh…. There are two.  

I wonder where the third one is. 

 

We will see that bird again one day.  Watch for it, my friends.  You may see him near you. 

 

Doo, do do Do-do. 

Tap a toe, find your rhythm and come back to the rhythm that always leads.

We will be here with you.