Do you have one of these in your house? 

 

A journal or diary where you wrote to your future self with notes about what is happening around you?

 

I finished reading this journal tonight after finding it on a shelf months ago. 

 

This bit of writing is from a 7-year period of my life when I was recently out of high school until our son, Dallin, was about 4 years old. 

 

Yes, that was decades ago! 

 

Let me tell you a bit about what I read.  

Loads of Truth

There are loads of truth on pages that are not meant to be read by anyone but me.  

 

Reminders that add details to the memories and pictures in my mind. 

 

Even though at the time I am sure that the experiences are ones that I thought would not go dim in my mind. 

 

What is that? Do you also think that you will remember every day with exact clarity? 

 

I thought I had until I started reading through this journal.  

 

Now, this was a time in life where I found my feet, had new experiences in other parts of the country from where I grew up and found what I didn’t even know I was looking for. 

 

Let’s begin at the beginning.  Do-Ra-Me style is a very good place to start.

 

Are you with me?  Hold on tight and have fun.  

 

Here we go. 

Ramblings

This book of my time as someone first going through life is loaded to the gills with ramblings of a young adult. 

 

One who thinks they know what to expect and then is surprised by what is actually happening. 

 

Truthfully, I read through most of it as a bystander and not the one who did all the stuff written about.  

 

How is that possible?  It made me curious as I started reading and then I realized that this person is who I came from. 

 

Full of excitement yet not sure how to step through the days. 

 

Wanting to become more and stay true to myself. 

 

Learning how to lean into a new way and new places then realizing that it takes more than ever realized before. 

 

One thing I wrote about in this journal was when I met Brandon. 

I could go back in time to where we were then. 

 

It was so many years ago!  

Can you remember when you first met the one who was to become a best friend?

Pause with me

Pause here with me and see what your mind goes to first. 

 

The words written here tell me that it was all about Brandon’s smile, little acts of kindness and joy that he could bring in a moment from the first time we met. 

 

Do you know that is still who he is? 

 

Incredible to see where we started and where we are now. 

 

There are also times of intense unknown recorded on these pages. 

 

As our son, Dallin, was born and the complete joy we felt is changed in a few pages as his life turned on a dime when he was first in the hospital. 

 

That universe feels almost beyond reach and yet…. 

There are the words to bring back each moment of those early years of recovery and stamina he showed.

How can years go by in a blink as you experience it and as the memories are read again? 

 

It boggles my mind as well as brings me great levels of gratitude. Thank you to that person I was who dared to put pen to the page.

 

There is one more piece to this that makes me sit back on my heels. 

 

At times there are questions and feelings of uncertainty in a young adult world.  

 

I wrote with such truth in this first of many journals that my heart was full, and then breaking, at the days and weeks of reading the words.

Compassion and hope

It was then that I realized that I felt such compassion and hope for this person I was reading with, this me I used to be, that I could only continue reading with this in mind. 

Truth is the way to go.

 

There were times that the unknown of coming days felt overwhelming and then a spark of perseverance would pop into the picture. 

 

Feelings beyond the usual happy, sad, excited and mad are shown and I wonder even now at the range of emotions that happened.

 

I did feel all the feels and came to understand who would be with me for the ride of a lifetime.

 

Remembering who I was to become amazed me as detail after truthful detail emerged. 

 

How did I dare to write with such openness? What if someone else besides me read these pages? 

 

Perhaps you can help me with this question. 

 

Have you done this sort of writing?  In hopes that putting words to a page is going to work things out, bring understanding and keep curiosity about life present? 

 

By golly, that is why I wrote this way! 

Be truthful

If I could not be truthful with myself then what is to come next? 

 

Saying what needs to be said. Yes, at times it was only to me that brought new understanding and knowledge. 

 

The desire to learn and stay curious about that next thing is the key for me. 

 

Openness comes as deep levels of love are received with patience and joy. 

 

Did I know this all those years ago?  Probably not. 

Who I become even now is with these thoughts in mind. 

 

Learn, stay curious, love with joy. 

 

Whoosh.  

That is what life is all about. 

 

For me it is all about who we were and, for goodness’ sake, who I am as a work to become the person I will be next emerges. 

 

Be who you are, say what you need to say and live each moment with your truth. 

 

My friends. This is what I am learning, again and again, to do with every loving and intense experience. 

 

Are you ready to do this?  M’hm.  Try it out and see what you can become.