Find Meaning Even Now

 

A few months ago, I started to go through a few drawers in our house. 

 

These are spaces that hold basic clothes such as tee shirts, pants, socks and pajamas. 

 

You know the ones. 

They hold things that you know you need to go through and send on to a charitable group that will use it for others. 

 

We do not use these items in our house anymore, so it is time to find meaning even now. 

 

I found myself smiling with memories as I began to go through each drawer. 

 

The tee shirts were still soft and weathered to the perfect texture. 

Pants had been altered to add many inches of length for the tall one who wore these pants. 

Socks are at the preferred length and are still a crisp white even though most of them had been used as an impromptu napkin after eating cheesy chips. 

Each pair of pajamas were in place with an extra six inches added, as well. Long legs belonged in both pant legs. 

 

You may have come to the smiling conclusion with me that these drawers sit in the green room along with a few more great views. 

 

I will also remind you of the grins that came to me as each piece of clothing was held and then tucked into a bag for delivery. 

 

Speedy delivery was my plan. 

I was going to find meaning even now.

Then this came to me as I tried to remember that I was going to find meaning even now. 

 

Suddenly the grins turned to a pause and then my eyes began to leak. 

 

What was happening? 

 

Finding meaning even now with going through each item that could go to another person to use was met with a different feeling along with wanting to give away these clothes.

 

I am not sure I have a name for the feeling and yet here is where I can begin to try as I do know that difficult things are meant to be said.

 

So, I shall. 

 

Feelings are meant to happen as they come for me. 

As I sat with what happened that day, I realized that I could hold both wanting to share our son’s clothes and have my mom’s heart feel all the emotions of letting them go. 

 

Smiling with leaking eyes. 

Touching each piece of clothing while remembering the fun and joy that came. 

Filling a bag with clothes then slowly pulling each piece out again. 

 

I’ll tell you that this day of finding meaning became one of looking for the collateral beauty as the day progressed. 

Deciding to be in the moment using granny hankies.

Deciding to be in the moment of using granny hankies, setting most of the clothes back in drawers, sitting on a bed with the emotions that flowed while being okay with each step in the process.

 

Becoming aware of what I needed to do next was powerful. 

 

This is what I realized as my goals for the day changed before my eyes. 

Even when I wanted to find meaning, even now as the clothes were back in the drawers, I would still choose to do these two things.  

 

The Tall One had taught to bring joy even when life was changing all around him. 

Could I do that now? 

 

Yes. 

 

And now for the second thing. 

 

What about pausing and trying to share those pieces of clothing again another day? 

 

Yes. 

 

That is where I am now. 

Finding joy when life is changing, sharing the life Dallin led and sharing the clothes again another day to find meaning even now. 

 

Are there one or two things you would like to consider? Let’s do this together, my friends. 

Difficult things are meant to be said.