White Knuckles

 

White is the color of the season in my part of the world. 

 

The color is on the mountains with fluffy snow and on the trees in our home with twinkling lights. 

 

It also happens to be on my white knuckles. 

 

Do those things go together for anyone else? 

 

There are a few other questions that have come to me over the years. 

 

How could that be with such a time that is supposed to include calm and joy?

Can calm also come with white knuckles?

Can calm also come with white knuckles?  

 

Let me show you how this came together for me. 

 

There was a time when our son and I began driving to pick up Brandon at the airport. 

 

And what do you know! We were suddenly engulfed in an intense fog all around us on the highway. 

 

I’ll tell you that it was dense and low on the road to the point that I could see less than one car length in front of me. 

 

I know that my breath was suddenly faster with my grip tighter on the steering wheel to the point my white knuckle was deeply imprinted on that wheel. 

 

The truth here is that we also had music jamming on the radio to keep the rhythm of the drive in place so that our son did not feel the increasing tension build. 

 

Why was that? 

Tension did not go well with his medical needs and anxiety. 

I realized I had to cool it.

My white knuckles were the only sign that I had and then I realized that I had to cool it. 

 

Take a breath and let the tension go. 

 

The fog was not going to let up and being anxious while driving would soon have an effect on our son. 

 

Now, that would not do us any good, so the white knuckles relaxed, and the music led the way to get to the airport. 

 

Could I see any better? Nope. 

 

Was there a way to predict the road ahead? No way to do that. 

 

And yet, by letting the white knuckles go I was able to be in the moment and get us where we needed to be safely.

 

White did lead me to a calm space this time. 

 

Would it do it again? 

 

There was another time I had white knuckles and it made me smile. 

 

How is that possible? 

It involves a massive roller coaster and a few family members. 

 

We had taken a trip to an amusement park years ago when we found ourselves in line to get on this coaster. 

 

My smile got bigger as we stood in front of the cars then started up the track. 

White knuckles and all my muscles fully engaged.

You better believe that my hands gripped the bar in front of me with white knuckles and all my muscles fully engaged. 

 

The ride included full body slams and laughing out loud with a decision to ride it at least 4 more times.

 

My hands were much stronger after this day and the memories firmly in place as we held on tight and had fun that day. 

 

Why did this ride bring on another aspect of wanting to create white knuckles? 

 

Here is what I found for me. 

 

The thrill of being excited or nervous is the same. 

 

Can you believe I said that? It took me years to understand this when I am going through emotions. 

Deciding to be mindful continues, as well. 

How can that be true? 

 

Let’s think about that as this third experience is shared. 

 

The picture you see has two hands with white knuckles close together. 

Of course, there is a story that goes with this moment of reflection. 

 

As you look at the hand nearest the blue and white plaid shirt, notice the folds in the skin and the bright white in the first knuckle. 

 

Here is how this is created. 

First, my dad goes into a broad stance to stabilize himself.

A soft touch with knuckles.

Then there is a big rumbling shake to come in, get close but not touching yet. Finally, a soft touch with knuckles. The final moment is a big breath out, a big grin with a look right into my eyes.

 

These white knuckles are the best and have taught me many things.

At times I was nervous and excited at the same time. 

 

Maybe others are too.

 

I believe that the three experiences have come together to bring me to this point. 

Being able to listen to the music the other person chooses, get on the ride and hold on tight and then come in with rumbling shaking with every white-knuckle moment that comes. 

 

Do you have white knuckle moments in your realm? 

 

Hold on tight and have fun, my friends. Perhaps that is what we can do now.