They are Special.

 

This month brings an extra week, so we are going to talk about something that has come to me a few times. 

 

As I have traveled the roads across our state to see people about many things, it has included being able to have open conversations about Dallin. 

 

It has always amazed me how his name comes up at the drop of a hat.

 

This happened one time during a 3-hour drive with three of us.

I remember that as the car rolled through mountains covered in trees, questions came along about what Dallin lived with including his disabilities and what he loved to do. 

 

Then these thoughts were shared from those I was with that day. 

 

‘They are special’ and ‘you must have heard this many times’. 

 

Who are they, you wonder along with me? People with disabilities and specifically Dallin for this time. 

 

While I take a breath let me share how I settled into my seat for the next hour-long discussion. 

What do you mean by special?

The car rolled along, and I asked can you tell me more about what you mean by special?

I had a memory of the tone of voice being used and then it came to me.

 

The words were said in a voice that reminded me of a skit that came from a late night show comedian that says the same words in a repetitive manner during interviews. 

 

The skits are supposed to be funny. 

 

Here’s the deal. When the words were said in the car, they were not said kindly or with respect at first. 

 

It was not funny to me.

When the person with me that day mentioned they are special I began to be curious, and we continued talking. 

 

I had heard this before so here is what came next. 

 

When people talk with me about Dallin, I never hear him described with that tone of voice as if you need to clutch pearls and smile sweetly.

 

As I described this to my fellow travel companions, I then shared that what others have described Dallin as was tenacious, audacious, persistent, hilarious and brave. 

 

He was, of course, my muse so there were decades for me to learn with him. 

 

We talked and I let the questions flow over me. 

 

It was as if this was one of the first times that a person with a disability was not being called special.

 

They may have been surprised that Dallin was incredible, and many others saw it in him, as well.

 

The next part of the discussion in the car wound its way into how every person is unique in that what we see is their strengths and what is being worked on with them can be different. 

 

That is what I’d like us to see when a person comes before us, but you and I know that is not always the truth. 

 

What may be seen is the impression that is there even before the person is truly known. 

I hear people say that they are special.

The fact that I hear people say that they are special and not know a single attribute about the individual standing with them helps me pay attention to discussions.

 

When a broad statement is used to define a person without knowing more, I would also hope that we step into the learning with a bit of caring and tenacity together. 

 

In some fashion, it’s like the trees that I’ve passed many times on my road trips. 

Can you see what this can look like? 

 

There are rings that grow inside that we do not see while the tree is getting taller and stronger. 

It is only when the tree is cut that you see what has been growing inside. 

 

I am able to look at a line of trees and see how some have trunks that are almost smooth bases, others have edges that look like their treetops with blooms.

Then others have one or two outcroppings that show where big branches took off.

 

This tree trunk looks like a flower with a center that is a bit to the right. It is difficult to see the rings after the first bloom and yet look again.   

 

Do you see that final edge with the bark and lighter color coming to your attention? I am reminded again that tree rings help us count how old a tree is so I started counting. 

 

That is what helped me know that this tree may have been persistent in how it sought for the nutrients it needed for almost 20 years. 

 

The leaves around its base looks like a nest of comfort and that it was still doing the work of a tree when it was finished. 

 

Yet when I looked at this tree from the outside, I was not able to see any of these markers. 

We don’t get that luxury with life.

Part of the thing is that we don’t get that luxury with life, my friends.

 

It is like when people in the car made a quick assumption about Dallin, in that he must have been special because of his disability but not also audacious and courageous. 

Kind and full of curiosity about the world. 

Daring and in need of friends who like to laugh alongside him.

 

I wonder if this is no longer a luxury but part of being here with others. 

Yes. The answer is yes. 

 

What we do get to do is choose what we are going to do. 

 

Think of something that is right in front of us now. 

Have you done that in your life? 

 

I have and it feels like this set of questions are my next step. 

 

What do I believe in? 

 

Is there something I can do next? 

 

Perhaps I continue to believe in being kind. 

I can get curious when others are not sure about what they see in the people before them. 

 

Take a breath and ask what is meant by a statement as I learn with others. 

 

Remember that when I am in a space with others who are genuinely interested and ready for a conversation about who Dallin was then I am ready to share and lean in with openness. 

 

They are special, incredible, dedicated, brave and my friends.

We can take a courageous step to remember that we are here to talk about difficult things together.