One Day at a Time

The story started out like this. 

I was out in my yard cleaning up after the fall harvest of apricots years ago. 

There were as many of the small orange fruit smooshed onto the grass and the dirt as there were in my bucket. 

What had changed from taking it one day at a time?

How was that possible? This was something that I’d done for years as a child without a thought so what had changed from taking it one day at a time to now? 

There was no more taking it moment by moment or not worrying about the next day.

It felt like I had been out in the morning sun for hours and then I looked up. 

Suddenly, I realized that what had been a seemingly quick job had become a never-ending chore.

Those easy days were gone as I began to think about the change. 

Deep thoughts began to twist as the path before me played out in my mind. 

Perhaps this chore of cleaning up hundreds of smashed pieces of fruit was what small children did to help. 

More twisted tales began to form in my mind. 

‘Is that what I’m now here for, to clean up at the end of a season?’ 

‘If that’s what I’m here for then what else will I only be ok for.’

‘Ok is not ok with me so y’all better get ready for what is coming.’

The beginnings of a spiral instead of taking a breath.

My friends. Do you see the beginnings of a spiral that was taking place instead of taking a breath? 

This is only the beginning of what came to me the day of the fateful encounter with an apricot tree. 

Let’s continue as I reflect on that time. 

The apricots began to smoosh and smash their way into the bag until I found myself tossing them as I remembered things that others had said to me. 

Over the years, people had said some peculiar and some unkind things, so as I tossed, these things were recited from memory. 

First, came the things said about our son. 

You know, he doesn’t belong here. 

Of course, he can’t do that so why do you try? 

Then, came the blatant words said about me in life. 

Do you know you’ll never be a grandma? 

You’ll never know what it’s like. Why are you here? 

How did you survive what happened to you? 

I forgot to take life one day at a time.

With each memory, I forgot how to take life one day at a time. 

Did these people know what they were saying at the time? My heart broke again and again. 

Instead, I began to feel hot tears on my cheeks and blurred my vision. 

As if the salt was cleansing me and giving me something new to pay attention to. It was then that the fruit came back to me. 

Tossing the warm wet fruit became something more as I grew to feel the power in the statements that had been said. 

Had been said, as those words were not said for long in our world. 

They did sting as they hit me the first time, so it was time to let them go. 

I could feel it in the moment. 

So, I let them go with an underhanded pitch into the bag as I stood up. 

To let it out and say to my mind that I was done with those thoughts and memories. 

They were not going to hold onto me for one more day.

They were not going to hold onto me for one more day. 

As I pummeled the side of the bag with a pile of apricots, I began to remember other things. 

Yes, with tears streaming down my face and with more energy being gathered from my toes to my fingertips. 

This time I remembered the boy who became more than we could imagine. 

The boy who stood up every time he wobbled and truly took life one day at a time. 

Until that last day when he decided that he would look up at us, with a big smile, and tell us what he would remember. 

That life was also about including a year of play. 

Joy, love, life. 

Power, being a child, going forward. 

I can now look at what remains of that apricot tree and pause with a smile because of what I do one day at a time. 

Even now, during the time of the harvest.